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And so, the end is near and the final piece of the Celebrity Torture jigsaw falls into place. Four years in the making and tonight is the final show. Last year's star has been discarded and is living in a house of straw and this year's hopefuls wait in the wings.

Our host Leery Old Dermutt no longer simply introduces the contestants. He has been moulded into a bona fide song and dance man, and in truth he's a lot better than most of the contestants. People now tune in early just to see his opening number.

Tonight they've pushed the boat out. A 60 piece orchestra with a dance troupe of laughing gnomes, elves and faeries. Leery will sing a song celebrating the wonder that is illusory fame.

The contestants, having proved how well they can't sing, will tonight show how they can't dance. And off they go. A bit of faux latin jazz funk gives way to a spot of 80s euro-disco from chf. The disco dancing stops and the dancers find a new challenge in the experimental take on Fred Astaire from jilliamisaac but it's OK, we're into 70s cop show mode soon enough (nice sweater Starsky).

But wait, what's this? Last year's hero has broken through security and is determined to have his swan song and …...... is that a bomb he's holding........ ?

Cue the tape Bob.

Dramatis personæ

Leery Old Dermutt : Graeme Hobbs
Last Year's Hero : Dick Langford
Euro-pop maestro : Sir Dennis Crowther
Fred Astaire's diabolical twin: jilliamisaac
Toto: himself
Wicked Witch of the North: Margaret Thatcher
Not here at all : Sir Timothy de Ferrars
Sheep: All of us

Words : Graeme Hobbs
Music : Langford/Hobbs

The Fairytale of Rock Rebellion

How on earth do you sit down and produce something of this staggering complexity? This is pretty amazing, so full of tones and changes. The rhythms are good and rich.

What's with 'The Wizard of Oz' popping in to say hello? It would be interesting to know what was happening on the stage during this piece. Nice song coming in around 4.50 a cool swansong to finish on.

Very impressive mate.

It takes a long time

I knew what I wanted to do but putting it together was another thing. Charles and Jim (jilliamisaac) really helped with the two sections they gave me and I just worked up the rest on and off for some time.

The basic premise of Celebrity Torture was to examine fame, what we thought it was and what we did with it once we had it. The Wizard of Oz has been described as a "parable of populism" (amongst various other interpretations) which pretty much fits the reality TV culture. In our song Dorothy's comments about Kansas are as much about the illusory nature of reality as about any specific place. We're brought out of the false reality of the TV show back to "real" reality by the swan song lullaby and love triumphs in the end which is the message from both the "operas". (I should probably rewrite this when I've got my brain in gear but I hope it makes some sense )

I'd also love to see how the dances would be interpreted.....

Thanks for the comments John, much appreciated.

Cheers

Dick

Beautiful ending and climax to the whole Celebrity Torture shebang, if that's what it is.

Has all the aspects of a pop opera woven together in this one piece.

Very big production that comes across all very tight, well produced and balanced. Some of the best singing I've heard from you ever, by the way.

I need to download this and feed it through my stereo system to get the fully monty methinks.

Bravo to you and the orchestra!

P

Just reading the intro notes is entertaining in of itself!

Love the use of sampling throughout the tune.
Around 2:22 I think I'm hearing the brass intro to "Spinning Wheel" by Blood Sweat & Tears. I'm a big fan of that band from that time period & album, so I caught that right away.

The orchestration was superb, no doubt contributed by Sir Dennis who is a master of the Garritan Personal Orchestra.
Kudos to all involved. Lovely concept for an end piece.

Thanks chaps

Pete - yes, this is the end of Celebrity Torture and I'm glad to finally see it finish. This particular track has been over 2 years in the making. Charles and Jim gave me their sections at least 2 years ago and I finally got to feel guilty about the fact I hadn't done anything since so over the past few weeks I've been trying hard to finish it. Graeme gave me the lyrics for the lullaby 4 years ago and I've only just got round to putting a melody and some music to it. Thanks for the comments about the vocals on my part. I was very pleased with them and I think I finally got something right There are lots of bits where the stereo image will be useful. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks again!

I'll be back later...............

John - thanks for the comments The only sample I used was a brass part towards the end of the last section of the "fairytale". It could have been from BST but it was just an Apple sample that fitted! The rest were midi stuff that I wrote. Charles contributed the euro-disco section at around 1:30 and JIm (jiliamisaac) did the "experimental" section afterwards and I'm very pleased they did All the strings were various Apple AUs (or VSTs as you'd know them) that I wrote. Mostly drum loops with a few "bespoke" drum parts. Thanks again!

Cheers

Dick

from 4:25 it is very slow Genesisish, before that I heard some ELO (Electric Light Orchestra)for a short while, at the end I heard Vangelis and the beguining was like Pink Floyd in their weird early years before The Dark Side of the Moon.

I really enjoy this crooner start and all the styles following. The fun part is very well done, cool to hear these instruments. I like to hear all that his happening in the background. 3:13 was a little confusing but it was meant that way. Did I smoke too much? This is like a medley very well done. I really like 4:50, it is so Genesis.

Very nice vocals and great production.

Thanks 1man!

I'm flattered by the comparisons although I must admit that I didn't have particular bands in mind when I did this! It was supposed to be confusing at 3:13 - it's getting nasty now. Last year's winner has just burst onto the stage carrying a bomb and the music is supposed to reflect that so I hope it worked

Cheers

Dick

Wow Dick that was awesome! I really enjoyed that!....For a 7 min. epic, my ears wouldn't let go of it for a second! Congrats to all the participants! Great introductory post, really does justice to the granduor of the whole thing...............I'm blown away! Amazing! ..............sideshow bob

Chumbawamba meets Men Opening Umbrellas? Cue Viv: Fah-rout, maaaan.

Quite a bit of stuff going on there, a lot to digest. Initial impressions: More drum presence starting at the 1:25 section would be good. They sound a little thin? Bass lines are kinda of blurry? Guess I'm saying a little more clarity or punch in the bottom end might float the rest better? But hey, don't mind me, I'm not even sure about that myself.

I've played it 3x now, and can't think of anything else to say, except, wow.

What an earful..like the first time I listened to Yes's "Close To The Edge", just too much to take in w/the first listen. This is an amazing recording w/sooo much going for it. I don't think I could ever put something of this magnitude together. Shades of Floyd, The Who, Yes, and A LOT of other sounds are filling my new pro headphones sweetly! Everything sounds soo clear. Can't even imagine how many tracks are on this!! Suberb work here, Dick!

Dick, this is a fantastic recording. As others have said, there is a lot going on here, too much to really comment on specifically (at least for my small mind). You really seem pleased to be back with your old buddy Graeme and the joy shows in all these recordings. You two are a great team.

What lovely lyrics starting at the 4:25 mark. Great vocal presentation. The drums are hypnotic.

Wow, I am about to cry listening to this portion of the song.

The entire song is epic, but, for me, from the end of the Wiz of OZ part to the end of the song is absolutely thrilling and beautiful. I love it!

"If your dreaming of silver, if your dreaming of gold
"They can only feel warm if your heart has turned cold."

The lyrics and the way you present them are nothing short of pure art.

Dick, you not only understand the language of music, you know how to speak it so others can understand it too.

Great job to both of you.

After several listens it just dawned on me that the bomb goes off at the end.

Thrilling piece of music here, Dick and Graeme. Yes indeed.

Absolutely stunning - you really cracked it with this one Dick.
Tim

Thanks again chaps. It has taken over 2 years on and off to get this even near complete and I'd lost all objectivity about it so it's very nice to get such positive feedback

For the technical minded it was done in three projects.

Project 1 - The part up until the discordant guitar breakdown - 100 tracks (I was surprised when I realised that was how many there were!) - the 2 tracks from Charles and Jim, a dozen or so vocal tracks (with a lot of those so heavily effected you wouldn't recognise them as vocals), 15 orchestral tracks, 18 electric guitar, 15 or so drum/percussion tracks (midi and audio loops), 25 midi instrument tracks (mostly brass and some synths), and the rest were various sound effects and a brass sample.

Project 2 - The lullaby - 40 tracks - 2 vocal (main and harmony), 3 percussion, 2 electric guitar, 4 sound effects and the rest were synths/orchestral

Project 3 - where I put the two parts together and introduced the various sound effects and samples for the transition.

Graeme supplied all the lyrics and the melody and vocal parts for the first section. He also listened to the various versions and came up with other ideas to try - like a spaghetti western link or the Oz connection.

Bob - thanks a lot! I'm not sure I'll be going for something this complex for a while now

Gary - thanks for the multiple listens and comments. As I said, I rather lost any objective view on this so the bass may not be right but I got so used to hearing it that I can't tell either

Marc - the tracks question has been answered! Originally I just wanted to play about with some different genres and came up with the idea of a "dance-off" for the final show but it gradually took on a life of its own and as I'd get ideas I'd throw them into the track to see what would happen. Most got lost (the string quartet for example didn't work) but hopefully what I left in does work Thanks!

Sean - As incisive as ever. The Lullaby was the final piece of the jig saw. I've had Graeme's lyrics for a few years but hadn't done anything with them and they were too good to just leave. I'm sure he'll be pleased with the comments. Yes, you picked up on the explosion at the end! That was drawing a line under under the whole project and it's time to move on to something new. Thanks for the listen and comments, much appreciated

Tim - thanks, it's nice to get a warm furry now and again

Wow Dick!!!
I really don't know where to start with this one, there's so much going on......Many, many influences I hear all through this.....Really cool stuff, & I'm sure it took a long time to put together (2 years? WOW!!!!!)......Just boggles my mind with all the things I hear in this one, you've really outdone yourself....

My hat's off to you & everyone involved on this, super job!!!

Absolutely smashing! Songwriting awesomeness, Dick. Well done.

Mix is really, really tight given the gazillion things you have going on. Quite moving; goes from one segment to the next very smoothly. It moves around a lot, but you dint forget the song. Singing is stellar, all through, and I enjoyed the different aspects of your voice. High quality!

Have to say, this is my fav from you. Trippy Beatlesque/Pete Gabriel, yet all you. Modern and quaint.

Niiice!
Thanks!
Matty

PS ~ I snatched a copy for my pod.